WHO’S IN CHARGE OF YOU?

We have many ways of being ourselves. We can be outgoing or we can be quiet and shy. These are two of the many different ways we can behave. We try to act the “right” way in every situation, but sometimes we get stuck with behaviors that no longer really work for us. We are childish when it would be better for us to behave maturely.

We have a lot of control over how we act, think, and feel. It’s just that sometimes we forget. The purpose here is to put you back in charge of how you are. You have the power to be however you choose. Sometimes that means changing from your old ways to new ways that might be at first unusual, maybe even strange. But as we change and grow, it is really helpful to know who is in charge. You are!

Clearing Out the Bad Habits

We are about to look at a long list of behaviors and feelings that you might recognize. They are bad habits. After you recognize them, you can clear them from your life. Bad habits are things that people do when they are unhappy and dissatisfied with their lives. Becoming more unhappy and upset with yourself will not get rid of them. Telling the truth about them will give you a choice about how you live. As you go through this list, see if you can find a way you would rather be. Now, you will discover feelings and behaviors that will serve you. Once you see this, you may find that you will change for the better without even thinking about it.

SELF-WORTH Sometimes Rarely Never
1. I blame myself for everything…
2. I reject compliments or praise…
I take things too personally…
4. I feel different from the rest of the world…
5. I feel like a victim…
6. I am afraid of making mistakes…
7. I have a very hard time making decisions…
8. I feel a lot of guilt…
9. I feel ashamed of who I am…
10. I feel my life isn’t worth living…
11. I think that I’m not quite good enough…
12. I pick on myself for everything (the way I look, act, think)…
13. I get really angry if someone else blames orcriticizes me…
14. I deny that I have any problems when I know I have…
15. I feel like I have to constantly help others! in order to be loved…
16. I try to prove that I am good enough…
17. I feel like no one else could possibly like! or love me…
18. I settle for being needed…
19.! I am afraid to let myself be who I am…
20. I think and talk a lot about other people…
21. I worry, worry, worry, sometimes over! even the silliest things…
22. I wonder why I never have any energy…
23. I check on people…
24. I focus my energy on other people’s ! problems…
25. I do not do things because I’m so upset! about somebody or something…
26. I’m full of shoulds…
27. I try to control events and people throughhelplessness, guilt, coercion, threats, advice giving,manipulation, and domination…
28. I feel controlled by people or events…

The Good Habits Checklist

This checklist is meant to help you re-frame and support mature and balanced patterns of thinking and acting.! Complete this exercise to determine and compare your good habits versus your bad habits.!!

SELF-WORTH Sometimes Rarely Never
1. I recognize my part in the incidents of my life. Ialso recognize the part others and events playupon me.
2. I enjoy receiving compliments. I’m appreciative ofbeing recognized.
3. I recognize that things that do not go my way arenot personal. If bad stuff happens, it doesn’t meanI’m a bad person.
4. I know I am a unique individual and there is no onein the world exactly like me. I feel like I am part ofhumankind and have many things in common with

others.

5. I know bad things have been done to me. I knowthat it is true for everyone. I am no more a victimthan anyone else. When I rise above the bad, then

I am a hero.

6. I know sometimes I will make mistakes. Thatmeans I am trying and I am learning. I do not haveto feel shame and self-hate over a mistake I made.

We are here to learn and it’s through mistakes we

make that we learn the most.

7. I like to consider all the options and consequencesbefore I make decisions. I need to wrestle withwhat I really feel and really want. Ultimately, I am

able to make choices for myself.

8. I know I am responsible for the way things are inmy life. I feel the mistakes I’ve made. I use my guiltto keep me from making the same mistakes over

and over again. I can also let my guilt go, to give

myself inner peace and self-love.

9. I accept myself as I am. I am proud of my goodpoints and recognize the parts of me that I need toimprove.
10. I know I have “ups” and “downs” in my life. I lookforward to the future and a chance to make goodthings happen for me.
11. I know that if I compare myself, there is alwayssomeone bigger, richer and smarter than I am.However, I also have unique and special qualities

that allow me to hold my head high and be a

proud individual.

12. I care about my appearance, the way I behaveand the way I am. Sometimes, I recognize theneed to change some things about myself and I

can do so with positive encouragement from

within.

13. I don’t like being unfairly blamed or criticized.However, I recognize the need for occasionalconstructive criticism from others.
14. I admit that I, like everyone else, have problems Ineed to recognize and work the improve.
15. I like helping others, but I also know that even if Iwas unable to, people would still like me.
16. I want people to see the best in me, but I alsoknow that not everyone will always know thegood that I do. I am able to like myself and know

inside me that I am good enough to be in this

world.

17. I know that not everyone is going to like me allthe time. I also know that many people could andwill like me and that some special few will love

me for who I am.

18. I like to feel needed, but I also deserve love andrespect in return. Sometimes I have needs too.Just being needed is not enough for me to stay in

a relationship with someone.

19. I am learning to trust that I am a good person andif I let myself be the real me, most people will likeme.
20. I am curious about other people, but I do notspend all my time thinking and talking abouteveryone else.
21. I am concerned about the situations in my life, butI have learned to turn my worry into curiosity. Iuse my curiosity to find creative and positive

actions needed to shape situations.

22. I know that when I am positive and active. I havemore energy than when I have give up and donothing.
23. I let people have their own lives and while I neverwant to be made a fool of, I trust people to behonest with me.
24.While I recognize everyone has problems, I focusmy energy on the problems I have, especiallythose I can do something about.
25. Even though people will sometimes disappointand upset me, I am still able to do the things Iwant to do.
26. I know that there are many “I shoulds” about howto act and how to be. Like all people, I am anindividual and I am not like everybody else. I

listen to my own sense of what is right and

wrong.

27. I have learned to accept people and events that Imay not like. I give up trying to control the things Icannot control. I work on improving the things that

I can control.

28. I know that other people and events sometimeswill influence me, but I also know I am in control of myself and the choices I make.

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